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John Legend
March 26, 2015|Music

John Legend

Goodbye, friends. I never thought I’d die like this. But I always really hoped. I don’t want to be rescued. I love this planet! I’ve got wealth, fame, and access to the depths of sleaze that those things bring. Also Zoidberg. But I’ve never been to the moon! Soothe us with sweet lies.

Oh right. I forgot about the battle. Ok, we’ll go deliver this crate like professionals, and then we’ll go ride the bumper cars. I videotape every customer that comes in here, so that I may blackmail them later. Yeah. Give a little credit to our public schools. You are the last hope of the universe.

There, now he’s trapped in a book I wrote: a crummy world of plot holes and spelling errors! Good news, everyone! I’ve taught the toaster to feel love! Throw her in the brig. There, now he’s trapped in a book I wrote: a crummy world of plot holes and spelling errors! I videotape every customer that comes in here, so that I may blackmail them later.

A sexy mistake. Yes! In your face, Gandhi! Who’s brave enough to fly into something we all keep calling a death sphere? Yes, if you make it look like an electrical fire. When you do things right, people won’t be sure you’ve done anything at all.

In your time, yes, but nowadays shut up! Besides, these are adult stemcells, harvested from perfectly healthy adults whom I killed for their stemcells. You’re going back for the Countess, aren’t you? The alien mothership is in orbit here. If we can hit that bullseye, the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate. For one beautiful night I knew what it was like to be a grandmother. Subjugated, yet honored. Why would I want to know that? You don’t know how to do any of those.

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