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Little Red Riding Hood
May 14, 2015|Livestyle

Little Red Riding Hood

Little Red Riding Hood
Little Red Riding Hood
Little Red Riding Hood

Okay, it’s 500 dollars, you have no choice of carrier, the battery can’t hold the charge and the reception isn’t very… Oh, I don’t have time for this. I have to go and buy a single piece of fruit with a coupon and then return it, making people wait behind me while I complain. What are you hacking off? Is it my torso?! ‘It is!’ My precious torso! Yep, I remember. They came in last at the Olympics, then retired to promote alcoholic beverages! I am the man with no name, Zapp Brannigan!

3 comments
What Dreams May Come
May 14, 2015|Livestyle

What Dreams May Come

What Dreams May Come

Bender, being God isn’t easy. If you do too much, people get dependent on you, and if you do nothing, they lose hope. You have to use a light touch. Like a safecracker, or a pickpocket. Also Zoidberg. Professor, make a woman out of me. The alien mothership is in orbit here. If we can hit that bullseye, the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate. You’ve killed me! Oh, you’ve killed me! I decline the title of Iron Cook and accept the lesser title of Zinc Saucier, which I just made up. Uhh… also, comes with double prize money.

one comments

You must smoke peace pipe, and you must do it peacefully. Or we’ll kill you.

Lost in Indonesia
April 2, 2015|Place

Lost in Indonesia

Fry! Stay back! He’s too powerful! There, now he’s trapped in a book I wrote: a crummy world of plot holes and spelling errors! The alien mothership is in orbit here. If we can hit that bullseye, the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate. Professor, make a woman out of me.

3 comments
John Legend
March 26, 2015|Music

John Legend

Goodbye, friends. I never thought I’d die like this. But I always really hoped. I don’t want to be rescued. I love this planet! I’ve got wealth, fame, and access to the depths of sleaze that those things bring. Also Zoidberg. But I’ve never been to the moon! Soothe us with sweet lies.

no comments
Something in the mist
March 6, 2015|Place

Something in the mist

Who am I making this out to? You guys go on without me! I’m going to go… look for more stuff to steal! Oh yeah, good luck with that. There, now he’s trapped in a book I wrote: a crummy world of plot holes and spelling errors! What are their names?

no comments
Alone in the big city
March 6, 2015|Place

Alone in the big city

Alone in the big city

Well, let’s just dump it in the sewer and say we delivered it. I meant ‘physically’. Look, perhaps you could let me work for a little food? I could clean the floors or paint a fence, or service you sexually? Oh right. I forgot about the battle.

no comments
Paradise is not for everyone
March 5, 2015|Place

Paradise is not for everyone

Paradise is not for everyone

You’re going back for the Countess, aren’t you? Bender, being God isn’t easy. If you do too much, people get dependent on you, and if you do nothing, they lose hope. You have to use a light touch. Like a safecracker, or a pickpocket. Who am I making this out to?

no comments
Stay With Me
March 3, 2015|People

Stay With Me

I love this planet! I’ve got wealth, fame, and access to the depths of sleaze that those things bring. The alien mothership is in orbit here. If we can hit that bullseye, the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate. I meant ‘physically’. Look, perhaps you could let me work for a little food? I could clean the floors or paint a fence, or service you sexually? Kif, I have mated with a woman. Inform the men.

no comments
Drive hard
March 3, 2015|Livestyle

Drive hard

Drive hard

Bender, you risked your life to save me! I am the man with no name, Zapp Brannigan! Throw her in the brig. Ah, yes! John Quincy Adding Machine. He struck a chord with the voters when he pledged not to go on a killing spree. I don’t want to be rescued.

no comments
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